**Please Note** these readings are currently free while I get more practice!**
At this time, I am looking to feature them on my blog.
I am offering two different types of readings: Dream Interpretations and what I call “Terrible Tarot,” where I attempt to read and illustrate your card myself using markers in the style of the traditional Smith Waite tarot imagery.
I will share any reading(s) with you before I post them here. You will be able to suggest edits if you are uncomfortable with anything being posted publicly. No identifying information will be shared unless you want me to. I can make up a pseudonym for you like “Lord of the guys” or “Cat Grandma.” Or maybe I will fashion one of those newspaper advice column signatures like “lonely but doesn’t want a relationship” or “dreaming of putrid smelling trees.” You can also make up your own, that’s probably more fun and less demeaning. Your choice, should you choose to accept.
I will be spending a lot of my time working on these. So, if you do feel like you’d like to contribute to the never-ending sharpie and highlighter fund, I won’t object. You could also pay for a reading if you don’t want to have it featured on my blog.
That being said, I really do want to offer these for free, so please, don’t guilt yourself if you do want one. I want to bring joy and insight into your life.
I intend to keep these free, unless, in the future there becomes a high demand and I can’t keep up.
Please read the descriptions of my offerings and use the forms below to submit the information I will need to carry out my mission!
Sometimes dreams hold really significant information you need to learn and grow, other times they might exist to make you pee your pants out of fear or… (no judgment).
I might be able to help you understand what your dreams mean. My process to find this meaning is mostly intuition and part B.S., part looking up stuff in my handy collection of dream dictionaries that I’ve had since I was a witchy child.
Tips for getting the most accurate and humorous reading: It works best if you can share with me specific symbols, colors, feelings from the dream, but also provide a narrative as best as you remember. Submit your dreams to me by filling out the form below!
Terrible Tarot Readings
AKA Illustrated Card Readings by an Insecure Person (that’s me!)
Ask me a question about a situation in your life that you are eager for an answer to. I will light a candle. Or maybe incense (let’s just hope I don’t burn anything!) Basically what I am saying is that I will clear any bad energy away however I can. Then, I will concentrate really hard on you and your question. I will use my top secret method of blindly picking the appropriate card for you and your…query or conundrum. I will interpret the card. I will write something up for you. Finally, I will tie it all together with some (what’s a magickal kind of string?)…twine. No, that is a lie, because I can’t really tie it together. It will be sent by email along with my sad attempt of an artistic rendition of your card. You may even believe the drawing is good, but maybe that’s because your opinion of “art” is set too low. Or…actually, I’m projecting my own feelings on to you. Gotta work on that.
If the card I pull for you has already been illustrated and featured on the blog, we can talk about how to handle this. Most likely, things will get a little wild over here and I will experiment with a new style of art.
Here is an example of a reading I did for myself:
Question: What do I need to focus on to make this website great?
Card I drew: The Lovers Card
To make this website/blog great, you first need to focus on the aesthetics. Like, become the aesthetician of your blog. Grow it. Groom it. Make it glow.
It seems like you’re the kind of person who gets distracted by glitter covered products when you walk around Target. Can’t. Look. Away… Too. Much. Glitter. Your affirmation when building up your site should be “I am made of glitter ✨ and rainbows 🌈 and sparkling emoji hearts 💖 and will infuse pure magick into everything I do.”
You already know you have a big heart and put love and care into everything you do. I mean, even when WordPress said it was autosaving the earlier version of this page, where you spent two hours making it perfect, and it disappeared before your eyes when you closed out of the editing window and went to view it all…you still loved this project enough to write it all up again. For the good of the world. For yourself. For the people who will grow to love this website.
Send me your question in the form below:
Abracadabra! Let’s do this!