We are Halfway to Halloween! Annnnd…it’s Beltane!

Which also means it’s less than three days from halfway to my birthday!

For those of you non-witches, you may be wondering what the F Beltane is. But don’t worry, I didn’t even realize it was today. I’m a bad witch.

Or, I’ll just blame it on this time warp named the “stay at home order.” Recalling what day it it is can be hard.

But in reading more about Beltane, I found myself relating:

This holiday is a celebration that honors the divine balance in the union of masculine and feminine. Having reached maturity after their long, wintry separation, Lord and Lady can now come together as one and give birth to new life, ideas, passions, projects, and wonderful expressions of unbridled sensuality.

from Sagegoddess.com: “What is Beltane and how do I celebrate it?”

I haven’t seen my boyfriend Ryan in over 50 days! What a parallel situation to my own life! This Lady and her Lord are totally ready for:

It does seem a little premature since we still have to wait until May 8.

Speaking of premature celebrations, I cluelessly celebrated Beltane yesterday instead of today. I had an urge to get outside and see what I could find in the grass. I carefully curated bark, pinecones, leaves, dead hydrangeas, even a loose fallen lichen (I lichen it so much!)

I have been a collage fiend since the stay at home order, but mostly I used my arsenal of glitter glue with fashion and highfalutin travel magazines I got from my air miles expiring since I can’t afford to travel.

Then one day a friend/former professor Kris had shared these really cool collages made out of natural items. I contemplated making something like that. I doubt my art making abilities a lot so I wasn’t sure I’d do it.

But then somehow I created this:

And this:

I do not look amused. I was happy with it, but the hanging greens were getting mixed with my hanging banana curl.

Witch (spelling mistake intended) turned into this:

I wanted to show my parents what I made, but they are my biggest critics. They heckle me at home constantly.

My dad is a wholesale floral consultant, or a FLORACLE, you could say. He sees it all when it comes to plants, flowers, and…crystal vases?

In other words, he knows a lot about what I can’t grow or keep alive.

I thought he’d look at it and be like “You SUCK-ullent!” But actually, he told me it was EXCELLENT! Then he quipped, “You should work at a florist–oh, they’re all going out of business.”

The last thing I made before retiring to bed surrounded by a pile of sticks and pinecones was this sigil:

For those that don’t know, a sigil is a magickal symbol witches can make for a particular purpose (usually kind of selfish ones)

I really wanted to make a sigil, but never did until last night. I have been trying to force myself to read this autographed copy of a sigil making book, thinking it was the only way I could learn to make sigils. I kept telling myself to read the book and then it became this fearful thing where I kept putting it off. I was forcing myself so hard to only learn them that one way.

So I liberated myself and googled it. This is one method of making a sigil.

When I woke up today, I looked at my calendar and was like, is it really May?

Waking up today like this.

I immediately checked facebook while on the toilet.

First I saw: oh hey, it’s Beltane! Then I saw: Oh it’s half-o-ween! (Which honestly I have never heard of before. I wonder if that was someone’s best quarantine contribution).

So Beltane is kind of a pagan holiday that celebrates the end of winter hibernation and embracing the coming of Summer luvin. It’s recommended that you work with plants and get out and enjoy the outdoors. Maybe even naked. Probably not a good idea unless you live in an unpopulated forest like this:

Photo by Zack Melhus on Pexels.com. I am pretty sure this is a miniature house and landscape and not really my dream house.

But yesterday my subconscious mind was like, “Get outside you fool! Soon it is Beltane and you will have nothing to show for it! Pick up the remains of wintery plants so you can make beautiful art out of them!” I guess my subconscious mind didn’t want me to be like a kid who rushes to do his homework in homeroom.

I also want to note that Beltane/May Day/Half-o-Ween is also International Workers’ day. I hope my sigil helps the essential workers. I’m going to make another one too for the workers who have lost their jobs or are furloughed (like me, because how else would I be writing in this blog so much otherwise?)

Finally, I want you to remember that Halloween may be everyday for us gothy folx, but the Halloween most people know of is in danger. So please:

I bet you thought this was Part 2 of my ancestor angels saga!

Well, you thought wrong! *buzzer buzzing*

Today is the first inaugural Illustrated Terrible Tarot reading!

A friend of mine (from way back when) volunteered to be my first illustrated tarot card reading guinea pig (or should I say gerbil, because I had a weird dream about teeny tiny gerbils running around everywhere). 

She chose the pseudonym Tawanda, so I will refer to her as that name.

Tawanda’s question was: 

“What should I do to ensure my family will be ok during the covid 19 shutdown?”

Tawanda was very lucky, because this was only supposed to be a one card reading. But two jumped out at me at once! I couldn’t just ignore their pleas for attention to be read together.

Tawanda’s cards were the 9 of Cups and the Judgement card in reverse.

Tawanda had no idea what that meant. So, I told her. 

The nine of cups is all about making yourself happy and indulging (yes those are NINE wine glasses!)  behind a proud looking guy who is manspreading on a little bench as he thinks about all the wine he will be drinking soon. 

His indulgent mindset is soothing him, and it can for you too when it’s right.  However, moderation is going to be key right now so you can make sure your family is okay during these terrible times.

The judgement card affirms the need for moderation. This card is from the major arcana which makes it a little more powerful of an archetype than the minor arcana (the 9 of cups is part of the minor arcana). Your judgement card was in reverse when I picked it up, so it has a somewhat different meaning than if it was upright. 

It’s showing me that you and your family will rise up against your challenges. In order to achieve this though, you need to focus on the basics and decide to keep things simple.

These cards jumped out together the way they did for a reason. Together, they show me a message that would be different if you only got one or the other. We all know you work so hard as a mom and as an employee and caring for others is what you do. It is fun to indulge and treat yourself, and you deserve the pleasure and self-soothing luxuries! It’s just not the right time for too much of that indulgence.  Soon you’ll need to stick more to just the essentials because we’re still in for a rough ride ahead.

I chose to illustrate the 9 of cups since the Judgment card was reversed so I’ll save it for when it is upright. So here it is in all its glory:

Nine of Cups drawing by Laura

Thank you Tawanda, for allowing me to do a reading for you!

All About my Ancestor Angels: A Dead-ication (Part 1)

First of all, I have a deep connection with my unruly, dysfunctional family. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, but come on!

This is especially true, when they are dead. When people in my family die, weird shit happens. Like, I can’t get rid of them (I don’t want to).

It seems that my mom’s family is more likely to reach out to me from beyond the grave. They’re always with me. Especially my Uncle Stephen and my Grammie, whose name was literally Claire Clair (after marriage).  I’ll get back to the mamas’ side later.

On my dad’s side…well…my grandma Lillian was a force to be reckoned with. In the short period of time Lillian graced me with her presence, she impressed upon me the appreciation of the finer things in life, like mixing juice with seltzer water when you craved soda but also wanted to stay svelte (I am disappointed that “svelte” is not a Yiddish word. I always thought it was. I couldn’t bring myself to use the actual Yiddish word for thin because it was boring).

Lillian gave me my gift for finding fresh scores from thrift stores – a trait I didn’t know could be passed genetically. She was an antique collector. She also collected “fine” art.

thank you to my mother for digging this out of a closet so I could take a picture of it

I like to think that had she lived longer, she would have collected the fine works of her grandchildren. Well, more likely my brother Chad’s work. When we were little, dining at restaurants, sometimes the owners would save the placemats (or paper table covers) that he drew all over.  They would say they were keeping them for when he was “famous.” He’s not famous yet, but he does have his own IMDB page.

When my grampa died of ALS in 2005, I wanted their formica gray and pink boomerang pattern kitchen table from the 1950’s SO BAD, but I wasn’t allowed to take it because supposedly we had “NO ROOM FOR IT!” 

Most of their smaller antiques now live in our basement, which is a graveyard of our dead relatives’ belongings + the remains of the crap I had from moving in and out of apartments when I realized that actually living in apartments was too expensive for the low wages I make.

Lillian died of cancer when I was three years old because, ultimately, she was afraid of doctors. This is a lesson I myself need to conquer. I need a new doctor, like yesterday. Because my doctor, with the fourteen letters in her unpronounceable last name, scares me more than people coming back from the dead. Eh, that isn’t a good comparison because visits from dead people aren’t scary. I don’t want to repeat this family pattern of being scared to face doctors, even though the process of finding a new doctor is truly terrifying.

Lillian and her husband Arthur sitting with baby me

While Lillian showed up to protect me when necessary, (and showed everyone else on my angel team who was boss), she had put on an even bigger show for my mother. Shortly after her passing, my mom noticed doors open and lights going on and off. She felt a presence and knew it was her mother-in-law. 

“Your mother was just here!” my mom cried, waking my sleeping father.

“My mother is dead.” he replied. 👻

Lillian’s whole family when she was younger. She is the left hand side, second person in the (sorta) third row

This site is dedicated to my Grandma Lillian for inspiring my aesthetic and my taste for the finer things in life. 

But wait, I see (more) dead people (to dedicate this to).

Lillian and Arthur were a great love story of my family

Where my mother’s side may have passed down my witchiness, my father’s side passed down my sense of humor. I mean come on, they were Jewish, and if you don’t laugh in this culture, you will just want to cry.

I think I got my smile from my Grampa Arthur.

he was stationed in Panama during WWII

There are so many funny Arthur Stories. I want to share three of them:

Story #1

Arthur was a class clown. His first grade teacher was unimpressed by his antics. One day, she finally decided on his punishment. “Well, if you think you’re such a wise guy,” she said, exasperated, “Let’s see how you fare in the third grade!” He was fine.

Story #2:

One day in middle school, our teachers invited certain grandparents who lived during World War II to be interviewed by us. My Grammie Clair and Arthur opted in to this experience. My Grampa was given THE group of the popular boys that everyone had a crush on. After it was over, these boys, who normally never talked to me, came rushing over to me at lunch. “LAURA!” they exclaimed, “Your Grandpa is SO cool! He was swearing and everything!”

And while I don’t have a photo of my grandparents on that day, here’s one of them at my brother Chad’s school

…no one said anything to me about my grandmother though. 

Story #3

As an insomniatic child, one night I was creeping around, not able to sleep Like, a haunting undead child. My parents were away and Arthur was our house-sitter (not quite sure of his babysitting credentials).

In my parents’ ginormous bathroom, I often unashamedly annoyed my family while they were in there.  Maybe I was curious. Maybe I just liked that bathroom (I mean who wouldn’t? It had a jacuzzi in the middle of it and a weird hallway where my mom stored her clothes in fancy zip up bags on hangers. AND at the end of the hallway, there was a cedar closet, where I would hide during my temper tantrums). Anywho, maybe I was just unashamed and curious about what people do in bathrooms. I had to get my potty jokes from somewhere!

That night, I stood in the bathroom by the sink so I could watch my grampa brush his teeth. Instead, he reached into his mouth and took out what I thought were all his teeth and his jaw in two pieces. I was shocked. I was wowed. What the heck was he doing and what kind of sorcery was this!?  I must have mumbled something out loud about it being magic. And that’s when he told me………

……………To Be Continued…………

Look our for it in a few days!

Come Taste my Magick Brou(hahaha)

Welcome to my first blog entry!

If you haven’t started there, please fly your broomsticks over to the “About” page, first.

3…2…1! Blast off!

Photo by Matheus Bertelli on Pexels.com

I am finally and officially ready for the launch of this website!

This morning I woke up from a dream about an imaginary restaurant with the best slushies in dreamland (I visit this place on a semi recurring basis). I thought it was real, and was planning to get up, get into my car, and go there…but there were two problems: I can’t go there because we are homebound from COVID 19, AND it isn’t real.

So, I got up, made breakfast, took a shower, and decided to get my bedroom sanctuary all tidy (I even made my bed with a little help from my friends…)

After that, I got into my power suit, slipped on my usual bling, plus some extra flair, and put on makeup so I could get into a powerful mindset for starting this project. 💎

Then I went outside to document the whole look for you, so you can feel my POWER! I even posed for you in natural, sunny light by some trees! How rare am I?! (that’s the first interrobang I’ve used in a long ass time! And if you didn’t know that that was an actual form of punctuation, well, you’re welcome!)

See what I mean by flair?

Since I’m already in my power outfit, and burning a blue candle on my altar surrounded by crystals (to keep my throat chakra open…or perhaps a bit overpowered, but never you mind that). I also drew some oracle cards next to my computer that I picked out to help me embody (hopefully my own body) my blogging goals and work on this site……..

This is “The Universe Has your Back” oracle deck that you can get here

I was hoping to be able to release this website into the universe yesterday on the new moon at 10:25 PM last night, but failed. So, this will have to do.

Now it is time to set my intentions for this site and manifest them. I did manage to do my new moon magick work for the blog yesterday by cleansing, charging and arranging my crystals on my grid and updating my altar. I tried to watch the new moon rise…but I couldn’t find it in the sky 😆😆😆 (hopefully these emojis hint that I am joking here).

So, without further ado, I shall set my intentions for this website in my magickal way that I often do:

Intention Affirmation

May all the witches and (and non witches!) and even warlocks (like my Dad!) alike feel at home here. May they be open to my twisted (and sometimes unicorny 🦄) sense of humor. This website shall be a source of joy and laughter, but never a source of cruelty (unless you believe that banishing evil forces in the world is unjust).

May people who use the phrase “live, laugh, love” perhaps find a more realistic type of slogan. That shit makes me cringe.

May my visitors be sensitive, but not so sensitive that they are offended. I am a realist and tell it like it is. However, goodness and integrity will drive me through my words and actions on this site. I will infuse it with love and beauty (my aesthetic, is best described as day glow or pastel goth but sometimes regular goth too).

May People of all spiritual backgrounds and lack thereofs be drawn to this site and be entertained. They shall find reverence in the relevance of my words.

Visitors will find their own ways to contribute to my content by letting me interpret their dreams or pull tarot cards, offer to be interviewed, ask questions, share their own work that I can promote in my links page, and contribute further in ways I cannot yet forsee (as I’m an extremely weak psychic).

And of course, you all have free will, so if you want none of this, be my guest and leave (wait, is that a contradiction?)

This will be the beginning of the growth of my humorist writing and the sharing of my experiences with the craft.

It shall be done.

Throwing in my glitter unicorn protective shield drawing as a security system.

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