*Dusts away the cobwebs collecting here*
Hello! It’s that time of the year (uh, it just started?) where I reflect on the years past and revisit and reset my goals and intentions for my life in the present.
I’ve been an overachiever at making new year’s goals with intense urgency since I was 15 in 1999. It was the end of the 20th century, and I imagined living in a new era would be drastically different. I thought that the experience of entering a new millennium needed to be heavily documented. So, I wrote letters to myself in the future, explaining what it was like to be 15 (thinking I’d forget?) and making sure I met the extremely high expectations I had for my life. Just to give you an idea of how intense those were, the letter to 25-year old me said I better be married by then. In my 40th year as a person, I was going to win an Oscar for costume design. Yeah, nope!
Fifteen year-old me was DUMB when it came to making resolutions. My goals were Dreamy, Unlikely, Magical, and unBelievable. In order to make them SMART, they needed to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and anchored within a Time frame. You may be wondering, Did yoU Master your goal-setting By now? Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say that, but I’ve improved. For instance, one of my top goals this year is to learn how to make potions. But then there’s some boring stuff, like learn to relax and rest, and learn how to keep an actual budget.
And then, there’s me writing in this blog again after I almost abandoned it do to a lack of inspiration, self-imposed pressure, and perfectionism. Sounds familiar. If I learned anything from my 15 year old self, it’s that internal pressure and perfectionism get in the way of doing things I want to do in life. That’s why I struggled to continue this blog. I thought every post would need to be profound and hilarious. But that can’t happen if I don’t work towards it. And it’s definitely not going to happen if abandon it entirely due to my fear of failure.
That silly millennial girl didn’t know how badly those unrealistic expectations would hurt me now. She was just too young, misguided, and naive. Her intentions were pure: she just really wanted me to be happy as an adult. And since she didn’t know how to be happy as a teenager, she didn’t know how that would happen as an adult.
And now, as I reflect on another year going by, I can honestly say that I am as happy as I can be. I am happy even though I haven’t been married for 12 years by now (I haven’t even been married!) And I guess only time will tell if I get that Oscar in three years!
Have a magickal New Year everyone! You will be seeing more of me soon. And enjoy the new moon. It’s a SUPER one! Sorry, yoU Probably were Expecting another Ridiculous acronym.